so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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