one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
