wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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