somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she looked like the before picture.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
