so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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