I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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