I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
