"it" just moved
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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