The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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