he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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