let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize