Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
