You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
