Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Randomize
