arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
