Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
