Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
