May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
