Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize