Your tits are I can't wait for
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
