I wish life had little blips of pornography
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
