yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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