i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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