It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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