You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
