Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
