I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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