This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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