Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
