is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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