dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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