I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
