with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
she smelled like a LAN party
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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