They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
