A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
