RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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