I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
