help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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