Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
