So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
