Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
