is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize