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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
wow bdsm is so cute
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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