You're so nebulous sometimes
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
