I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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