I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
