FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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