She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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