ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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