I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
there was a trapeze. enough said
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
FUCK WHALES
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
