Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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