i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
