you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize