I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Is it because I queefed?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
