if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
