Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
