I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
