I met the friendliest cop last night
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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