Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
