I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
