i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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