I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
