He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
