after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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