the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
