just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
