Screwed.edu
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize