listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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