She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
