just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
