And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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