dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Small penises have feelings too.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
