My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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